I simmer. I guess, it is the journey to Bali that made my temperature rise. Like the volcano Gunung Agung that is about to erupt but still hasn’t. Where do I go in life? With my life? Who shows me the path? Simmering can be almost unbearable sometimes – have you ever experienced that? It is like a flu approaching but never breaking out, saying “hello” with headache and a sore throat. An “almost-flu” that keeps you miserable for weeks and you just wish it would finally come.
I simmer. Not in the sense of anger or worry. But I feel, something has to happen. But what? It will take time and patience has not been one of my virtues. So far. A nun once told me about her calling to God. I asked her: “When did you know you had to to this? To give up your regular life for good?” She said: “I see what you mean. I always waited for God sending me letter to my mailbox, telling me: Go, Ursula. Now it’s the time. He never did. Nobody will send you that letter. But I tell you what: The day comes when you just know. You just know what to do.” It sounds convincing in that very moment. The work began with leaving her room. Yes, one day, I will know. Probably. Speak it out loud, trust in it. The more you wait for it, the longer you wait for it. Just let go. If you lack a distant view on things, you have to take a journey. It is not important how far you go, but the fact that you go. Just do things, don’t be afraid of mistakes and what others might think.
This post is an answer to the daily one-word prompt. It took me a while to dare to “just write”. But hey: It did not feel like an assignment. And I do not want to be judgey in this judgey world. Feels so good!